November

It’s been a strange month.

Another month has flown by without even a moments consideration. Personally it’s been a tough one. I’ve been in, and then out, of a physical relationship, started CBT and, more recently, torn my meniscus through overuse.

Sure, there have been some good times, but they often get overshadowed by the bad.

All I know is I’m in need of a holiday. Desperately!

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Rollercoaster

It’s been a month since I last posted. This time it was not because of business or time, it was because I didn’t want to live and writing about it here would have not helped.

In the month past I have quit drinking (2 months sober, only having 5 drinks along the way). Why? I hated it. It put me in an awful place unless I made myself get absolutely wrecked, so I quit. While quitting, I realised that I was getting worse. For the first time in years, I didn’t want to exist. The alcohol had been a cover, masking the fact my meds weren’t working. Now, i’m getting better. The dose has been increased (although tooth pain side effect is driving me insane) and i’m getting more distractions from medicine.

I have started working part-time, I have joined the university cricket, cycling and triathlon teams. Although this has meant spending less time on my studies, I am not behind.

I was lucky this time to have someone who listened, when a lot of others ignored the problem. There was no instigating factor this time, my mind just suddenly turned.

I’m not going to put a message such as ‘you’re not alone’ in this post because when you feel suicidal, you do feel alone, as if no one can help you, but, there is always someone to contact, to talk to, to save you from yourself.

Just keep swimming

So I could be doing better with the whole posting. Anyway my life isn’t that interesting to warrant regular updates.

We’re now well and truly into the term now (2 weeks down, 16 to go) and it’s going well. A complete overhaul of my weekly plan has done wonders to both my mental and physical well-being. Since the last post, I have completed a triathlon, completed a 95km cycle and met Mark Cavendish (of cycling fame).

In terms of uni, the reproduction module is flying by (thankfully) and the new GEM freshers started this week. Oh how enthusiastic and cheerful they are. Makes me feel bad for feeling so jaded, yet it will happen to them and every year after them…

Until the next update, adieu.

Part II

Well here we are again. Second year starts and so does this blog (hopefully).

This time there is no induction week, no settling in period, just straight lectures and theory. Only 5 more months to go until placement starts, it just can’t come quick enough.

How was the summer you may ask?

Pretty meh, too much of the time was spent in my own head, which from previous post you should realise is the worst place to be. The motivation to go back was minimal.

I hope the motivation returns soon otherwise these are going to be 5 long months.

End of Year Review

So here we are, first year of Grad Med is over and results arrive Monday. Now I’ve recharged some of my batteries I thought it would be a good time to reflect on the last year.

First and foremost, it’s been tough. Not just academically but also personally. The stress alone is enough to push anyone to the limit. Condensing a 2 years of work into one in any degree is tough, when it’s the entirety of the theory of medicine, it’s astonishing. Thankfully, my previous degree enabled the academic side to come easily. 

Before Christmas, the excitement and almost disbelief at being medicine helped to keep the stress under wraps. Christmas was a distinguishable turning point. The workload increased, more personal problems started to become apparent and this was when my Grandad’s cancer was diagnosed. 

Between January and April, the workload ever increased and unfortunately my grandad’s condition deteriorated until he passed in March, at a time when even without his loss I’d have burnt out. Easter came and went and suddenly exams were upon us and in a blink of an eye they were over.
While the above recollection of the year seems overly negative, there have been great times. I’ve spent time in theatre watching neurosurgery, time on stroke wards, presented research and conferences, won awards and above all found a group of people who were there during tough times and stay there to celebrate the good times. 

My summer contains no such extravagances, just some rest before the next year and possibly get some part time work. 

I want to thank those of you who read this, it only started as a self-indulgent way to get across how I was feeling. I never thought people would want to read it, so thank you for the interest and hopefully see you again next year/when results arrive. 

Til then ciao

Almost There

1 week and it’ll all be over (at least for another 2 months).

With our clinical exams out of the way all that is left are the written exams. How time has flown, fourth year of university is almost over, just another 3 years to go.

It’s been one hell of a year so I’m most likely going to write a review of this year after exams, so stay tuned for that.

Until then, One. Last. Push.

 

N.B: I am ignoring anything to do with the election on here, as important as it is, I’m not one to publicise my political views and beliefs unless asked.